Almost Back to Normal

The kids are back in school and the work is almost done on the house, so activities have begun to return indoors. We have several kids who are getting adopted/almost ready to be adopted, so prayers for those processes and their new families/lives would be appreciated! 

As I am learning more Spanish I find myself laughing more, kids say some funny things! 

After telling me that she loved her mom and me, Fabiola proceeded to inform me that I should make dinosaur for dinner one night. We had a very serious discussion about where I could find dinosaur for cooking, she informed me that I could find it near the pants in the Cancha. 

Today I made a pan of peanut butter cookie bars and shared it with all the kids. As I was cooking I also heated up a saltena that leftover from the other day and I sat down with Jose Luis who was still eating his lunch. "What is that?" He asked me.

"A saltena, have you never tried one?" I responded. 

"I want to try it!" He informed me. I broke off a piece of the crust and gave it to him. He licked it and promptly made a face, "It's spicy!" He said. I had to laugh as I informed him that it was not spicy, it was actually quite sweet. To which he tried it again and then asked me, "It's sweet?" 

"Yes," I assured him. He took my word for it and finished eating the bite of saltena without another word of its "spiciness" 

I took the pan of cookies outside, the three 2-year-olds were lined up on their little plastic toilet seats on the back porch. Santiago saw me give the Tia one first and immediately asked, 

"Can you offer me one???" 

I gave all three of them their pieces and then turned to the hoard of big kids that were lining up and calling to me, "I'm sitting Tia!" "I'm ready Tia!" "Can you give me one Tia?" and five-year-old Josue was walking back in forth in front of all of the kids making sure that they were waiting their turn, and that their hands were clean (a child after my own heart. ;) )  

"Tia," Fabiola asked, looking up at me from her cookie, "Is this sweet potato?"

"Gabriel, you don't want a cookie?" Josue called to Gabriel, who was in his own little world, shouldering the responsibility to look after his "brother," Josue went over and took Gabriel's hand and walked him to the porch and made sure that he got his cookie. 

Shortly thereafter, I heard the Tia laughing, I looked back and she told me that Damaris had just said that I hadn't given her one. (I definitely did give her one.) The three littles had only had little pieces though, so I gave them each another little square. Damaris stuffed hers in her mouth and held out her hands. "More Tia?" She asked. By this time all the bigs were gathered around with hands outstretched as well. "More Tia?" "More?" I was reminded a little of Oliver Twist, (although, I pray that that one little line is the only comparison that could be found between that scene and my time with my little ones.) 

It was cute though, and fun being able to cook for more people than myself again, I miss that about being at home. However, I only have until next Sunday before I can cook for my mom and sister for 10 days! I am so excited to have them come and be able to be a part of my life here for a little while! 

I was reading in 2 Corinthians this week and these are some verses that specifically stood out to me, and that served as a reminder of how I am to be living my life wherever I am. And also, how I am to be living my time here in Bolivia, not daydreaming of things to come or planning down to the smallest detail what I want to do when I return to the States. My focus and my aim must be to serve my King faithfully and not to be found squandering the days that I had been given. 

2 Corinthians 4:16-18

So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light and momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal.

2 Corinthians 5:1-2, 5

For we know that if the tent that is our earthly home is destroyed, we have a building from God, a house not made with hands, eternal in the heavens. For in this tent we groan, longing to put on our heavenly dwelling... He who has prepared us for this very thing is God, who has given the Spirit as a guarantee. 

Sometimes the things on earth are all the more beautiful and awe-inspiring when I remember that they are only a shadow of things to come. Beautiful works of music cause me to wonder how angels sing. The masterpiece in the sky at night causes me to wonder what the artwork of heaven looks like, where the Son never sets. And the joy of being with my family and friends causes me to marvel at the abundance of ecstasy that shall be held in the heavenly realm when the Groom is united with His Bride for all of eternity. 

2 Corinthians 5:6-10 

So we are always of good courage. We know that while we are at home in the body we are away from the Lord, for we walk by faith, not by sight. Yes, we are of good courage, and we would rather be away from the body and at home with the Lord. So whether we are at home or away, we make it our aim to please Him. For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ, so that each one may receive what is due for what he has done in the body, whether good or evil.

2 Corinthians 5:14-15

For the love of Christ controls us, because we have concluded this: that one has died for all, therefore all have died, therefore all have died, and he died for all that those who live might no longer live for themselves but for Him who for their sake died and was raised. 

Sometime between reading the last verse and the following, my mind had drifted and I thought something that I hadn't thought in a long time, "I still have so much time left before I go home." 

Then I read this:

2 Corinthians 8:11

So now finish doing it as well, so that your readiness in desiring it may be matched by your completing it out of what you have.

Thank you all for your faithful prayers and checking in, it means so much. 

***I wanted to let you know, if you get my email sent to your email and would like to respond to it, you have to create a new email addressed to me. The blogs are sent automatically to your inbox (if you signed up for it) from the blogging platform not from me, so if you respond to the blog through your email directly, I don't receive those messages. It was recently brought to my attention because I had not been responding to someone's emails because I had never received them. I certainly don't want anyone to be ignored but I have no way of responding or seeing anything that is sent using the 'Reply' button that is at the end of this blog post in your email inbox.*** 

Have a joy-filled week! 

Susannah

Recuerdame

This song has been stuck in my head for the past several days and has brought about some fun conversations with the kids, as well as making me tearful because it makes me think of leaving.

I will be here 20 weeks on Tuesday, 32 weeks until I come home. Somehow that sounds so very close, and I am glad... I am looking forward to coming home, I miss everyone so much. However, it also makes me sad, because the longer that I am here, the more I love these kids. 

This week started out as one of the most physically taxing and draining weeks since I've been here. It was the second week that the kids haven't had school and in addition to that, a group of volunteers were doing work on the house, therefore the kids couldn't be at the home. We spent the week walking to and from the park, making sure kids didn't run into traffic, making sure that they didn't talk to drunks, dishing out snacks and trying to maintain some sort of cleanliness for dishing out snacks, etc. By Thursday some of the kids were crying as we set out again, "I don't want to go to the park!" "I'm bored of the park!" At meal times kids would be falling asleep at the table, crying and dragging their feet as we walked home at night, plus they all are getting sick again! I was so ready for the week to be over. Wednesday afternoon the tias asked me if I was going with everyone to the park on Friday. I responded in the affirmative, slightly confused because I always work Friday afternoons anyway. I had to pay money too, I didn't understand what I was paying for... They told me the name of the park, I had never heard of it. I had classes in the morning so I would have to find it by myself and join them in the afternoon. With great trepidation, I got into my taxi Friday afternoon and embarked on what I hoped would be a successful venture. I honestly was dreading the afternoon. For one, I didn't know if I'd be able to find everyone because my phone is currently only working when I have wifi, so I had no way of contacting anyone or using maps. Two, I was worn out and expecting grumpy kids. 

Thankfully I arrived and found the group without too much trouble, the park was quite large, complete with an aquarium, paddle boats, a pool, life-size statues of horses that the kids could climb on, a train, a park, etc.  The kids were all there, along with a lot of tias and a bunch of boys from another home. 

I sat and held Santiago in my lap, he kept almost falling asleep so I gave him my phone and turned on some music so that he could have something to keep him occupied. One of the older boys came over and asked to play with it. I let him, he sat by me and played my Spanish songs over and over, Recuerdame was one of his favorites, that's when it really got stuck in my head! He also found a song called "Lava" apparently he also loves that one, "Do you have it in Spanish?" He asked excitedly. I felt bad that I had to tell him no. 

We all had a grill out, Bolivian style. A mountain of cheesy rice, salad, an unwashed potato and a giant piece of grilled meat. It was actually pretty good!!! The kids were so tired but having fun. During lunchtime I had Santiago laying against me with his eyes closed, I'd tell him to open his mouth, he'd obey, I'd give him his next bite of food and he would eat it, but the whole time he was leaning against me like a pillow and had his eyes closed. A couple other kids came to sit by me/lean against me, "Feed me, Tia!" They begged piteously... They really are plenty big enough to feed themselves, but I helped them a little. ;) 

After lunch, we walked around the park and then I sat under a tree with Fabiola and one of the directors and we chatted for a while. It was a really fun time to get to know the tias and boys from the other home better, as well as to practice Spanish!!! 

After the park, we managed to pack over 25 people into three little taxis (normally fit 4 passengers each) and we all returned to the boys home (it is a block from the baby house.) At the boys' house, everyone settled down on the couches to watch Coco. I helped the kids get their baths and get into pajamas, Jose Luis gave me a big, wet hug because I told him that I liked when he sang. (He was singing the song 'Recuerdame' with me.) It was so precious! 

I had sung the song when Pablo was crying the other day, and when I was telling him goodbye I was still singing it but just for fun. He looked at me very seriously, "I'm not crying, Tia! You are going to come back tomorrow, right?" 

Pablo also informed me that I would be going with him and his parents on a plane to his new home and if I didn't cry he would give me a piece of candy. "We can play with my dinosaurs Tia, and it's dark upstairs but we don't have to be afraid!" I said at first that I wouldn't be going with him, but then he persisted in telling me that I would be going, "You are coming with me, right Tia?" 

I didn't have the heart to convince him that I was not going to be with him in this new chapter of his life. I got tears in my eyes at the thought of having to tell him, and all of them, goodbye. 

 My friend, Kayla, and I bought the kids ice cream (it was really a popsicle) at the park, the other tias told us that it was the kids' first time having "ice cream" Some of the kids weren't quite sure what to think of it! They are not at all accustomed to cold things, so a frozen bar was a little hard for them to handle. Yobani would wrinkle up his face and stick his tongue in the air after every bite, it was so funny! 

It seems like every week I am being reminded, in some way or another, that Christ needs to be my all. He needs to hold the first place in my heart. I would appreciate prayer that I would see His love for me and recognize the magnitude of what He has done, and that I would love Him more daily, that I would have no gods before Him. I want to trust Him completely with my future and know that, no matter what it holds, my God has ordained it for His glory and my good. He is sovereign over every circumstance, over timing, over conversations, over acquaintances, over dreams and convictions. He has a purpose and a plan and He will see it to fruition. I have but to trust and obey. 

I love to dream and make plans, but in those dreaming and making plans, I need to be seeking God and putting Him first; and in whatever situation I find myself, I must be rejoicing and serving with full diligence and joy because of the God whom I serve and in whom I live and move and have my being. 

Thank you all for your prayers, emails and text messages. I love hearing from you! 

Have a joy-filled week!

In the love of Christ, 

Susannah

A Peaceful Week with 13 Children

    This last week has been busy with having all of the kids here, a couple extra hours of work and a lot more entertaining has been necessary for the older kids who are accustomed to leaving the house each day. Monday came and I realized that the children were not leaving for school... I will admit that I was a little panicked. However, as the week has progressed, though it has been crazier than usual, I have found myself enjoying the time that I have gotten to spend with the "big kids." The staff also had a meeting halfway through the week that seemed to challenge the way that they love the kids, the results have been a much more affectionate and joy-filled atmosphere for the remainder of the week!
   I have had a social week in addition to working more hours with the kids, for Independence Day I went to my friend's house after work at the baby house. It was my first time going because it is two hours away from the city by bus. Her husband bought us fireworks and we played the national anthem as we sat shivering outside. Then on Saturday, we went to a 4th of July party that was hosted by a couple from my language school. It was a fun opportunity to introduce our Spanish teachers to American style parties, complete with food and games, as well as to practice Spanish since they are, after all, Spanish teachers and never miss a chance to make you practice! 
   We also have a team that just got in this morning, they will be here for the rest of this week helping around the baby house, so that should be fun to have more English speakers around, and fun opportunities to try translating, should the necessity arise! ;)

  I have been so very tired for the past couple weeks, no matter how much sleep that I get. Therefore, I have been slacking in my Bible times because I sleep until the latest possible time before I have to leave for class or Bible study. This week, however, I did better, but I also had more free time because Bible study was canceled and I hadn't signed up for one day of classes because of a scheduling misunderstanding. It was really nice to have that free time to be able to spend some much needed time with God. I don't like that it is becoming a habit though, to sleep rather than spend time with God, and as this next week will again be filled with classes and other morning things scheduled before I have to be at the baby house I need to be intentional about getting time with God.
   I was challenged this morning with the message at church, it was regarding Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego, they refused to back down despite the trials that faced them. They refused to bow down to the golden statute even though they knew that it would mean certain death. I have bowed down to sleep so many times, instead of worshipping the One who sustains me and gives me rest. Even when I have been having my Bible times though, it's not been as deep as it has been recently...
  I told my mom and dad that, though I've had a really good week, it has also been weird, the past 4 months I felt like I was in college with God as my college professor, pushing me to learn and grow, and the past week or two I've felt like I'm on break and not really sure what to do with myself!

   Nevertheless, it has been good and I haven't been in tears, so that has been awesome! I'm feeling more at home and comfortable. I spent some time with the kids today and getting to know the volunteers that came over to get acquainted with everyone. In addition to that, I have the pleasure of knowing that in 3 weeks my mom and sister will be arriving! I have been branching out from my normal cheap, boring and easy meals and trying different things so that I can cook something that will be enjoyable to eat while they are here, rather than just treating dinner as a necessary evil of life. (I really do love to eat and cook, but both activities are quite boring when done on your own and for yourself!)

   I am gaining confidence with the language each week, which is really fun. I am still very far from fluent, but at least I can somewhat communicate. However, yesterday, the cook was asking me something and I think that she was asking me if something had boiled over when I was cooking. She kept talking and trying to act it out but I was confused at why she was asking, hoping I wasn't in trouble and trying to remember if anything had boiled over... After listening to her for a while I responded "no..." (quite hesitantly) to which she laughed and responded,
   "We'll talk when you can speak Spanish." That certainly killed any pride that I had in my language skills for the day, but it also made me resolve to learn cooking vocabulary and gave me something to laugh about for the weekend!

-I would appreciate prayer that God would continue to be teaching me and growing me and that I would have more energy.

-A praise would be for the attitude change of the tias, and prayer that it would continue. This week has truly felt more peaceful and joyful even though, as I've said, we had all the kids!

Can it Really be July Already?

Happy First of July! I'm sure most of you will be celebrating the 4th of July this week, have a wonderful time, I'm sure I'll be considered crazy by the other tias if they come around the corner while I'm folding laundry and find me belting the national anthem. ;)

This week we celebrated the youngest member of our home's birthday, she had a wonderful time, despite the clown that petrified her at first!!!

And at the end of this month, my mom and Elizabeth will be coming to visit me for a week!!!

Reflections from the Tia in Sala 3

The whole upstairs smelled like urine. I can’t understand why four and five-year-olds still wet the bed every night- and multiple times! It doesn’t make sense to me, but then again, does any of it make sense? I have thirteen precious children living in their home ten feet from my door. We practically share a house. I know their names, I recognize their cry.

I know that Fabiola will always be the last to eat her supper, she adores horses and is scared to death of dogs.

 Jose Luis is a handful, but he just wants love and attention, if you actually talk to him instead of yelling, he’s a sweet boy and he loves cats.

Daniel, with his high pitched voice, he talks so loudly because he is used to being ignored, he just wants to be heard.

Gabriel loves touch, he is slower and doesn’t talk very much, but he could sit on your lap and receive hugs for hours, he’s so heavy and awkward that it’s easy to push him away for a cute little kid. He is desperate for love and gives the best hugs.

 Isaias, he is a bull in a china factory and can be as naughty as possible, but he also gives the sweetest kisses, starting with your forehead, each eye, your nose, and your chin.

Josue is a little man but he loves to cuddle still, he likes seeing pictures of himself and he loves to read. He has a remarkable memory.

Marcella pees her pants at least twice a day, she doesn’t really care. She loves to help wash and fold laundry, and even though she is only three, she can be such a little mother to the two-year-olds, she loves to joke, and she enjoys reading. She loves music!

Raquel is stubborn and determined. She wants the outfit that she chooses, she wants your phone, and she wants your attention. She likes to get a reaction, and she loves to make you laugh. She is not shy to perform or be the center of attention, she likes to dance a wild version of the waltz with me around the sala.

Abraham gets lost in his own world, sometimes he will disobey and begin screaming “no tia!” but he stops quickly and apologizes. He loves to give hugs and kisses, and he could play for hours on his own or he could sit with his arm around your neck and cuddle.  

Pablo hides his face when he is embarrassed, and he doesn’t like having his picture taken. He loves to play in the dirt and have a restaurant with the twigs and leaves that he has collected. He also puts things in his mouth a lot or tries to sneak feathers, leaves, or dirt into his pockets. He is a horrible liar and he loves dinosaurs.

Yobani has the chubbiest cheeks for kissing and gives amazing hugs for a two-year-old, his hugs and kisses are always willingly given. He can be a bull, especially with Santiago, but he also knows how to ask for forgiveness. And he knows what “with love” means if I catch him in time and tell him that phrase, he’ll switch from hitting to patting my cheek.

Santiago can also get lost in his own world, he gets so excited over little things and he repeats them over and over again in his little two-year-old voice until you start talking to him about it. “Bebe, bebe, bebe,” “caballo, caballo, caballo” He doesn’t laugh or smile a lot, though he is beginning to do so more now, he has a great smile.

Damaris is a spoiled princess entering her two-year-old phase. She’s adorable and she knows it. She loves to build birthday cakes out of duplos and sing happy birthday. She loves to talk and even mimics English. She loves to be held… A fact that gets both of us in trouble with the Bolivian tias!

Each of these thirteen children has a personality that I am getting to know and love. What I don’t understand, aside from the constantly wet beds and pants, is how their parents can bear to be apart from them, why they would choose their drugs or alcohol over these precious little ones.

Occasionally these kids call me ‘mama’ I hate the fact that I have to correct them to ‘tia’. I wish I could adopt them all, legally I can't, not to mention practically or financially. 

They are in a good orphanage, but it’s not a home. It can never be a home the way that God designed a home to be. They don’t lack for food or clothing, they have plenty of both. They have tias and tios who love them and care for them, it’s just not the same. Sin stinks. Divorce. Alcohol. Drugs. Prostitution. A father and a mother are so important in a child’s life, it saddens me that most of my sweet little friends will never have a loving father and mother and a home of their own.

Please pray for me (and the other missionaries and staff) that somehow we can communicate the love of Christ to these kids so that they can come to know the love of God the Father at a young age. I struggle because it doesn't always feel like I am a missionary, I fold laundry, serve meals, break up arguments, read stories, tickle... but I'm never actually explaining the gospel, and my Spanish is still too limited to bring up God in casual ways that I would like to.

They do know of Him, they are raised going to church and Bible study and memorizing verses in Awana and praying before meals… I want them to truly know Him as their Father and to Him and know His love for them. I want them to see Him in me, not just a white tia who doesn't  sound very intelligent but likes giving hugs. 

His Mercies Never Come to an End

The feverish little girl was wrapped in my sweater and begging to go to sleep. I brought her upstairs and laid her in her crib. She promptly decided that she wanted to go back downstairs. She still wanted to cuddle though, so I held her and sang along with the music and watched the other children playing with Duplos. After a few minutes, I realized that Marcella was asleep. I brought her back upstairs, she woke up when I tried to lay her down, "I don't want to sleep!" She protested, her eyes still partially closed.
"Yes, you do," I assured her.
"I want to sleep downstairs," she said. Instead of going all the way back down again, I sat on a bed and rocked her and sang for twenty minutes. Finally, I thought that she was asleep and laid her down again in her crib.
"No Tia," she moaned, half awake, "Don't go downstairs." She told me piteously before closing her eyes once again. I stayed by her crib until she was asleep.
I had to go help walk the other kids to school, but when I came back Marcella was laying on the couch downstairs. Tias were buzzing around with thermometers and cell phones, trying to convert F into C. My friend and I looked at each other laughing as the one Tia explained the another how "Fahrenheit is what they use in the United States." Finally, we heard what the temperature was ( 99F)
"That's not high," I said. The Bolivian tias started laughing, realizing that (seeing as Kayla and I are both from the States) we would naturally know whether it was high or not. However, once they left, I sat down and put Marcella in my lap only to realize that the thermometer had been very wrong. I took her temperature again, 102.5... Well, that was certainly high! Going against Bolivian belief I unwrapped her from her blanket, took off her sweater and her socks and grabbed a cool rag. She was already on medicine, but another tia gave her more. The director asked me if I wanted to put her in her crib, Tia Erika told her that Marcella would cry if she was put back in her crib. "Are you okay with holding her?" The director asked me.
"I am fine with it if you are!" I responded. So for an hour, I got to cuddle sweet, little, sleeping Marcella. She woke up and was soon back to her normal self, I guess it had just taken a while for the medicine to kick in.

This week has been hard again, various frustrating and scary things have happened, as well as getting sick and just being tired. God is faithful though to provide joyful moments in the midst of tear-filled ones.

"What does it say Tia?" six-year-old Josue asked me. Anyone watching might think that he was mad, and, when I started to read, that I was mad as well! There weren't any words written on his hand, but this child has a ridiculously good memory. He has memorized his favorite book, (as well as others, thankfully he has only made me memorize the one!) Anyway, he makes me recite it to him over and over again. He knows when to "turn the pages" and he knows if I miss a page, (or three) he gets me back on track and recites it with me.

I picked Isaias up from school (I think that he is 4) his teacher told me that he had peed his pants. He was "a little bad" she told me. (Which is good news, because usually he is naughtier than that!)
"Other than peeing your pants did you behave well today?" I asked him.
"I behaved a little good." He responded proudly.

Also, although I think this may have been last week, Fabiola was sick at school and so one of the tias asked me to go pick her up.

No problem. I assumed that it would be easy and I would hardly have to say anything, (since they were sending the tia who doesn't speak Spanish.) I got there and said I was there for Fabiola, the teacher pointed vaguely up the stairs, so I wandered about looking in classrooms. Finally a teacher asked me who I was looking for, I told her but she only said that Fabiola wasn't in her classroom. So I asked another teacher who was standing supervising kids in the courtyard type area. She pointed to a little room that turned out to be the nurse's office. I found Fabiola sleeping on a little pallet on the floor, wrapped in a huge fleece blanket. I also found the nurse and a teacher, they immediately began explaining to me what happened, telling me that other kids had been pretending to be sick but Fabiola was the only one who was actually sick, they told me not to bring her back to school the next day if she was still sick... etc, etc. Finally, I picked Fabiola up and accepted the offered fleece (I didn't want to look like the bad tia who doesn't want to wrap their charge in a blanket...) and we left. It was 75 degrees and Fabiola isn't light! We walked wrapped in her fleece all the way back to the baby house. We only stopped once so that Fabiola could eat her snack on a park bench. It was a fun time though to practice Spanish and spend some time with Fabiola.

I felt so overwhelmed at the beginning of this week with sadness, tiredness, fear, frustration, etc.

Psalm 91:1-2

"He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will abide in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say to the Lord, 'My refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust." 

2 Chronicles 20:12b

"We do not know what to do but our eyes are on you."

Psalm 27:14

"Wait for the LORD; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the LORD." 

Psalm 33:20-22

"Our soul wait for the LORD; He is our help and our shield. For our heart is glad in Him, because we trust in His holy name. Let your steadfast love, O LORD, be upon us, even as we hope in you."

As the week has gone on, He has continued to show Himself to be sufficient, indeed, more than sufficient. He also provided a cafe with a piano that I can play, which was fun, as the piano is something that I have missed greatly. 

The idea of time has been impressed upon me this week as I have been (on occasion) so eager for time to pass... No matter how much I want a moment to be over, or, how much I want to freeze a moment in time, they both pass at the same pace. I can choose to live in the moments that make up life, in a selfish, entertainment-oriented way, or, I can choose to live investing myself in the moments that God has given me for HIS glory, for this purpose I have been formed and made!!! 

'To be poured out as a fragrant drink offering to my Lord.' That's what I say I want, but when it comes down to it, so often I complain or end my day with Netflix instead of prayer because

 "I just don't want to think anymore. I'm tired of thinking." 

Or I complain about the kids disobeying, instead of embracing it as an opportunity to show unconditional love; 

or I get flustered because I have five kids wanting me to read books at once and I can't find Spanish words, instead of being thankful that I get to do life with these children for these next 9 months. 

And in those moments, when God has shown His love and grace and calmed my soul and helped me to enjoy the moment. The precious, gone too soon moments of this life, it is then that I can say.

Psalm 31:19 

"Oh, how abundant is your goodness, which you have stored up for those who fear you and worked for those who take refuge in you, in the sight of the children of mankind."

Another Week Of Learning

     In language school I have noticed something, they introduce a new tense and I get frustrated and struggle, but within a week or two it has gotten easier and I'm feeling confident. I come to class expecting to have no problems only to hear the dreaded words, 

     "Today we are going to learn a new tense!" 

    I know that to learn the language I have to keep learning new tenses, exceptions and cultural phrases that don't translate well. I have to keep getting frustrated and pushing through, but sometimes I wish that we could just stick with the easy, the familiar... stay within my comfort zone of present tense and ignoring the 'usted' form. Nevertheless, I want to learn the language so that I can communicate. I have an ultimate goal, and it is a fair and decent thing to wish for, yet, I want it without the frustration and struggle of learning. I realized this week that God sometimes uses the same method with us.

    I finally feel like I am at a point where I am comfortable and adjusted to living here for another 9 months. It still seems like a long time and I miss my family and loved ones in the States, I am sad for the fact that I will miss the chance to sing the national anthem on 4th of July before the fireworks start, I am sad that I will not get to spend Christmas with my family (I imagine that I will be playing the song 'I'm Dreaming of a White Christmas' many times through the month of December as I am dealing with 100 degree weather and rain.) I am going to miss, and I do miss, so many things that are happening in the lives of my siblings, but nevertheless, I am resigned/content to be here for the time that I have committed to. I love the children and I am getting more comfortable with the language and making more friends. I was feeling pretty good about myself and my contentment... I mean, Paul still has me beat on the contentment scale, but I was doing pretty good. 

Or so I thought. 

    Suddenly, everyone in my life started having or talking about anniversaries, cute couple photos, boyfriends, weddings, engagements, dating... etc. That's when I began to wonder if God really does teach a little bit like my Spanish teachers. I want to be content, but the frustration of learning is, well, frustrating. In the midst of this, He is showing me more how He needs to be my desire above all else because in Him alone is true contentment, and "God is most glorified in us when we are most satisfied in Him." -John Piper 

We are also commanded to have no other gods before Him... Our God is a jealous God, He will not give His glory to another... Even if it is to something good that He has created. 

    He is a good Father who knows how to give good gifts to His children. "If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask Him."  Matthew 7:11  The ultimate gift is our relationship with Him. 

"Jesus answered, 'The most important is, 'Hear O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. And you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.'"

  Mark 12:29-30 

    God doesn't care about my "occasionally lonely and always romantic soul," at least, not in the sense that sometimes I would like Him to care for it. He is concerned about my relationship with Him. Perhaps in the right time, He will decide to bring a husband for our mutual sanctification, but perhaps, in His love, He keeps what my romantic heart longs for to draw me closer to Him so that He is the one my heart longs for... Married or single, HE must my first love He wants to be my joy and my comfort and my strength. He wants to be the one that I turn to for encouragement and advice. I need to be living a life of singleness that has God as the center, because if I reach the end of my life still single, what a shame it would be to have wasted all those years waiting for, nigh pining for, a husband when ultimately, as a member of the Bride of Christ, Christ Jesus was my husband all along. Marriage is a gift from God and a beautiful thing, but so is singleness... Indeed, I venture to say that any situation that God has placed us in can be a gift. Like a set of multiplication flash cards that I received as a Christmas gift one year as a little girl, some gifts don't appear to be good gifts until you look back on the outcome. 

     The sermon today was about discouragement and the people of Israel, they rejoiced when God brought them through the Red Sea, but in the next chapter, they are complaining because they have no water, finally, they find water but it is unfit for drinking. They were angry but God brought them there to test them, to teach them a lesson about who He was. 

"I have been broken over their whoring heart that has departed from me and over their eyes that go whoring over their idols. And they will be loathsome in their own sight for the evils that they have committed, for all their abominations. And they shall know that I am the Lord." 

Ezekiel 6:9b-10a 

                    God uses circumstances in our lives to reveal our sin and draw us closer to Him. 

"Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For His sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ."

Philippians 3:8

    Paul suffered a great many things, he persevered by the grace of God and encouraged the Church to do the same. He had many opportunities to give up and to complain, but instead, God has used him to write encouragement laden letters to the Church of his day and of ours. God used his trials to teach him the surpassing worth of knowing Christ. 

"My God will supply every need of yours according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus." 

Philippians 4:19

"On the last day of the feast, the great day, Jesus stood up and cried out, 'If anyone thirsts, let him come to me and drink. Whoever believes in me, as the Scripture has said, 'Out of His heart will flow rivers of living waters.'" 

John 7:37-38

"If then you have been raised with Christ, seek the things that are above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things that are above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on the earth."

Colossians 3:1-2

"And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that having all sufficiency in all things at all times, you may abound in every good work." 

2 Corinthians 9:8

    Unlike Disney's Rapunzel, who sits in her tower waiting "for [her] life to begin," God has placed each of us in the situation that we are in for His glory. We can choose to seek His face and serve Him where we are, ("living to the hilt every situation...") or we can pine for the day when "everything will be different." 

"Trust in the Lord, and do good; dwell in the land and befriend faithfulness. Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart."

Psalm 37:3-4

"For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them." 

Ephesians 2:10

"As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Abide in my love. If you keep my commandments, you will abide in my love, just as I have kept my Father's commandments and abide in His love. These things I have spoken to you, that my joy may be in you, and that your joy may be full. This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends. You are my friends if you do as I command you. No longer do I call you servants, for the servant doesn't know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all that I have heard from my Father I have made known to you. You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you that you should go and bear fruit and that your fruit should abide, so that whatever you ask that Father in my name, He may give it to you. These things I command you so that you may love one another."

John 15:9-17

"For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us."

Romans 8:18

"Bless the Lord, O my soul, and all that is within me bless His holy name!"

Psalm 103:1

"O Lord, how manifold are your works! In wisdom have you made them all..."

Psalm 104:24a

"Glory in His holy name; let the hearts of those who seek the Lord rejoice! Seek the Lord and His strength; seek His presence continually." 

Psalm 105:3-4

So, that is what God has been teaching me this week... 

As for the children, sickness is beginning to go around again. We also have some new tias, so the adjustment has made for a harder week with the kids acting out. Nevertheless, there have been some fun times too. I, unfortunately, don't have a lot of pictures from this week and hardly any that I can post online.  

With knowing more of the language I can start joking around and playing games with the kids... Granted some of it is pretty silly and wouldn't be so funny in the States and in English, but it is fun to have some silly "inside joke" with different kids. 

Daniel always pretends to be a cat with me, because one day he was meowing so I called him "gatitio" He leans on my shoulder and meows over and over until I tickle him and say "Hola gatitito" (Tickling is a new favorite of theirs.) "Tickle me tia?" Has been a constant phrase to hear this week.

Josue always calls me 'Mary Luz' (another tia) and I start asking where she is or tickle him until he uses my actual name... either way makes him laugh. He also was calling me a baby the other day (Idk if he was trying to insult me or what...) but I went with it and said I was "jefa en panal" (They watch the movie 'Boss Baby' and they say 'Boss in a diaper' instead of 'Boss Baby') We were both cracking up over it and he was inventing new character and assinging characters to the kids who were around us... Again, it is super silly, but it was fun to be able to actually laugh with someone in Spanish for a reason other than messing up my Spanish. 

When I first came I kept wanting to say 'pueblo' instead of 'Pablo' for one of the little boys, the other day he was calling me "Tia Sue" "Tia Suzy" etc, so I called him, "Pueblo" to which he replied mischievously, "Tia Pipocas" (Tia Popcorn) He thought it was the funniest thing in the world. 

Jose Luis is always getting in trouble and walking to school with him can be a chore, but we made up a game of counting how many cats we can see on the way to school.

Also, today, when I got back after church and lunch, he picked a dandelion for me and asked me to put it in my hair. <3 

Marcella knows that I like taking pictures, she has started making a little rectangle out of duplos to resemble the shape of a phone, then she comes and sits on my lap and informs me that she wants to take pictures. She wraps her arms around my neck and holds out the duplos and taps it with her little thumb as if she was really taking a selfie, then she checks it and shows it to me to make sure it is good. :D

Abraham has also started where he gives me tons of kisses as a greeting, on my cheeks, on my hands... and as he does it he says "Muchos besos!" (Lots of kisses!) And then he gives me a big hug. It's so sweet!!!!!! 

One of the tias sent me a text message this morning with a picture that had a sort of prayer on it, granted I don't agree entirely with the theology held by it, but nevertheless, it was really sweet and unexpected and I was able to respond to it in Spanish. 

Is it really June already?

Earlier this week, little Marcella peed her pants and didn't want to ask one of the other tias to change her because she would get in trouble, so she came to the softy American tia. 

I took her upstairs but she kept hiding under beds, throwing things, etc. So finally, after changing her, I informed her that she was punished. We went outside to the laundry area where I set her to the task of washing her little pair of underwear and her wet pants while I hung laundry up to dry and started folding the never-ending pile of dry laundry. 

She was having far too much fun, but then again, so was I. 

We chatted a little while she was washing her clothes, finally, after 15 minutes I determined that she had done enough washing and I asked her to help me fold laundry. 

She came and sat with me in the huge mound of laundry and promptly decided that it was a swimming pool. So we put the laundry baskets around us to form a wall and then continued folding laundry. She did a really good job! We chatted and played for probably thirty minutes until another tia came and told us that everyone was going to the park. Since that day, Marcella has been more affectionate with me and maybe a little more obedient, and I feel closer to her as well. It was a really pleasant and calm time to just hang out with my little three-year-old friend. 

Yesterday as I was trying to get out the door, I went to brush my teeth. Four-year-old Fabiola was using the bathroom and Marcella was squatted on the floor waiting for her turn. They talked the whole time I was brushing my teeth. 

"Are you brushing your teeth?" 

"Are you washing your teeth?" 

"Are you going to drink that water?"

I tried to explain that I had to use the bottled water vs tap water. (I'll get sick if I use tap water.) However, Fabiola nodded her head in a conciliatory manner, "I get sick from water too." She sagely informed me. 

I then backtracked and tried to assure her that water really is healthy... She just kind of looked at me funny. 

I turned to leave, but Marcella handed me her jacket before sitting on the toilet. 

"Don't go tia!" She begged pathetically. I couldn't very well say no to that, so I stayed.

After she finished, she asked me to keep her sweater in my room (why? I have no idea!!!) 

I was squatted down to their level and the two girls were taking turns making me hold me breathe and puff out my cheeks so that they could slap my cheeks (gently) to force the air out... They think it's the funniest thing in the world. Anyway, in the midst of this Marcella informed me that, "We are going to the park." 

"You are?" I asked.

"Yes, and you too tia!!!" 

"But I have to go [somewhere else]," I told her. 

"No tia!!!" She said, throwing her arms around my neck and pressing her cheek against mine, "Pretty please!!! No!!!" 

 Yesterday I also got to visit the Cristo again, this time we took the gondolas up instead of walking! I went with a group of missionary girls from my language school. The view, as before, was spectacular. I loved being able to take pictures of it. I was also able to do mini photo shoot sessions with each of the girls I went with, which was a lot of fun, I haven't been able to mess around with my camera except with the kids, and they don't cooperate very well for posing, so it was really fun to have some eager, cooperative and lovely ladies to photograph, as well as a fabulous backdrop and perfect lighting!

This morning, I was one of maybe five Americans in the entire church, so that pastor decided to preach in Spanish. I was able to follow it though so that I was encouraging! 

On my way back to my house, I had to walk because the street was closed off for the South American games (similar to the Olympics,) and it was/still is raining... Thus very cold. My shoes got thoroughly soaked, my skirt soaked up 6" of water... I couldn't help but think of Pride and Prejudice when Elizabeth arrives at Mr. Bingley's house with her skirt "positively six inches deep in mud." 

Therefore, I arrived home wet and cold, but content that it could be said of my skirt, almost the same as had been said of Lizzy Bennett. ;) 

Psalm 121

"I lift my eyes to the hills. From where does my help come?

My help comes from the Lord, who made heaven and earth.

He will not let your foot be moved, He who keeps you will not slumber.

Behold, He who keeps Israel will neither slumber nor sleep. 

The Lord is your keeper, the Lord is your shade on your right hand.

The sun shall not strike you by day. nor the moon by night.

The Lord will keep you from all evil;

He will keep your life.

The Lord will keep your going out 

and your coming in from this time forth and forevermore."

I miss my family so much every day. I miss things about American life... Having a car, speaking English, Dunkin Donuts hot lattes for $2 in the afternoon, the ability to go on a road trip if I wanted to, cooking for my family instead of just for myself, oatmeal chocolate chip cookies, movie nights with my family, thrift store shopping, worshipping with my family and church family, the ability to do new things and invest time or money into things that I want to do for more than a year, etc, etc... 

The list goes on.

Nevertheless, God is helping me to love my time that I am here for what it is, a year to spend in a place that I didn't know anything about. 

To meet new people, 

learn a new language, 

and love on little kids who need to know His love. 

Yes, I am eager for the day when I can come home, but I am also going to miss a lot of things about being here. I almost cried a couple times this week thinking about having to leave the kids... Granted, still 9 months away, but it is a sad thought. One of the girls that I went to the Cristo with is leaving in a little under two weeks, she has been here for a year. Seeing her mixed emotions and hearing her talk of how quickly the time has gone by, has made me think of when my turn to leave comes.

I can easily get caught up in the excitement of the future, dreams of days and years to come, and I can miss the beauty of the little moments that God has given me. It was in the midst of these daydreams and soaring fantasies that I read Psalm 130 and Psalm 131. 

Psalm 130

"Out of the depths I cry to you, O Lord! 

O Lord, hear my voice!

Let your ears be attentive to the voice of my pleas for mercy!

If you, O Lord, should mark iniquities, O Lord, who could stand?

But with you there is forgiveness, that you may be feared.

I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in His word I hope;

my soul waits for the Lord more than watchmen for the morning, more than watchmen for the morning. 

O Israel, hope in the Lord! 

For with the Lord there is steadfast love, and with Him is plentiful redemption.

And He will redeem Israel from all his iniquities."

Psalm 131

"O Lord, my heart is not lifted up; my eyes are not raised too high;

I do not occupy myself with things too great and too marvelous for me.

But I have calmed and quieted my soul, 

like a weaned child with its mother,

like a weaned child is my soul within me.

Oh Israel, hope in the Lord from this time forth and forevermore."

The quiet joy of trusting God is so much better than the impatience filled anxiety for the next thing in life. "In His presence is fullness of joy..." in His presence... Somehow I feel that when you are in the presence of God you aren't leaping to get on to the next thing... All other things grow "strangely dim in the light of His beauty and grace." Oh to live in that glorious truth constantly! 

He is continuing to teach me and grow me. 

I am thankful that He is faithful to complete the good work that He starts, and I am thankful for the moments when He uses His word, the people around me, or the beauty in His creation to quiet my heart and remind me of how great He really is. 

Lamentations 3:22-23

"The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases.

 His mercies never come to an end, they are new every morning.

 Great is your faithfulness!"