Well, now the orphanage is going to be moving into different houses and the current baby house location will no longer be in use by the foundation. So I am moving. The 24th of this month is my move-in date to my very own little apartment. I'm so excited about having my own bathroom and kitchen, it's rather ridiculous. It is strange to think that I will only be paying three months of rent... My time here is that rapidly coming to a close.
I know a little bit more of what the next three months will hold, but still not a ton, I suppose some of it will just have to be learned by experience. I will be going back and forth between the boys' and girls' homes throughout the week, though that schedule is yet to be determined. I don't really know what responsibilities will look like, but, especially seeing as December marks the beginning of their three months summer break from school, it will probably involve leading activities and just being another person around the house to help out and spend time with kids.
I know a little bit more of what the next three months will hold, but still not a ton, I suppose some of it will just have to be learned by experience. I will be going back and forth between the boys' and girls' homes throughout the week, though that schedule is yet to be determined. I don't really know what responsibilities will look like, but, especially seeing as December marks the beginning of their three months summer break from school, it will probably involve leading activities and just being another person around the house to help out and spend time with kids.
"All these years of constant striving,
Wanting to be worthy of love
Acting the part of a "loveable girl" made of my own contriving,
Desiring to be favored by the heavenly One above.
Along the way, I grew and learned,
Still, "What a godly girl" they'd all say
In the midst of it all, I didn't see the love of Him- the spurned.
I toiled & prayed & strove day by day.
Wanting to know His favor
To feel the love I saw in my mother's eyes
To know what it was like to savor
The love of Christ so sweet, and not to hear the evil lies.
The lies that say, "you're failing"
"You'll never be enough"
That cause me to keep derailing
Fearing from the judgment seat an unequivocal rebuff.
I know that I believe the Christ,
I know that He is real-I've seen Him in my life-
But Satan's come and made off with a heist.
He took my joy and made it fear, twisting as a knife.
I've believed his lies all these years
That I have to keep on striving.
Now, by the grace of God, I cry aloud "take my fears,
Teach me truth & give me love for you that's strong & real & thriving."
Wanting to be worthy of love
Acting the part of a "loveable girl" made of my own contriving,
Desiring to be favored by the heavenly One above.
Along the way, I grew and learned,
Still, "What a godly girl" they'd all say
In the midst of it all, I didn't see the love of Him- the spurned.
I toiled & prayed & strove day by day.
Wanting to know His favor
To feel the love I saw in my mother's eyes
To know what it was like to savor
The love of Christ so sweet, and not to hear the evil lies.
The lies that say, "you're failing"
"You'll never be enough"
That cause me to keep derailing
Fearing from the judgment seat an unequivocal rebuff.
I know that I believe the Christ,
I know that He is real-I've seen Him in my life-
But Satan's come and made off with a heist.
He took my joy and made it fear, twisting as a knife.
I've believed his lies all these years
That I have to keep on striving.
Now, by the grace of God, I cry aloud "take my fears,
Teach me truth & give me love for you that's strong & real & thriving."
In the midst of frustration over the past week or two, I have been realizing that I constantly struggle with wanting to rely on myself. I get angry and sad and feel like a failure when I get frustrated with the kids, feel unwanted by people around me, or feel like I am failing them. I feel guilty, ashamed, and all I want to do is quit. I don't find my identity in the One through whom I live and move and have my being! So my prayer for now, along with for all the changes, is that my remaining months here would be marked by a love that only comes from Christ and with a peace that comes from resting in His boundless love for me, and in His neverending grace, and that that would speak to the kids when my own strength (and language abilities) fail me.
2 Corinthians 3:4-6
"Such is the confidence that we have through Christ toward God. Not that we are sufficient in ourselves to claim anything as coming from us, but our sufficiency is from God, who has made us competent to be ministers of a new covenant, not of the letter, but of the Spirit. For the letter kills, but the Spirit gives life."
Romans 5:8
"But God shows His love for us in this, while we were still sinners, Christ died for us."
Hebrews 1:3
"He is the radiance of the glory of God and the exact imprint of His nature, and He upholds the universe by the word of His power. After making purification for sins, He sat down at the right hand of the Majesty on High."
Hebrews 12:1-3
"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer, and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before Him, He endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider Him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart."
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