Thanksgiving, Moving, and Dreaming of Snow

Hey everyone!

     I hope that you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving! I enjoyed mine, though I didn't do anything huge. I went out to dinner with my friend and her husband and got ice cream afterward. :)

      I am writing from my new apartment, it is quiet, too quiet. I miss the kids calling through my window, banging on my door, shouting my name whenever they see me. I miss knowing which kids are obeying, which ones aren't. I miss hearing everything that is going on.
It is a little strange, I hadn't realized how much I actually interacted them when I was "off the clock" (if you will.) God is good and has His plan though. If moving ten minutes away has put me in such a mood of heartache, then it is probably a good thing that I'll have three months to get used to it before I move a continent away. I really do like my apartment, the luxury of having a kitchen and a bathroom all to myself is quite something.

     Whilst unpacking and arranging all of my things yesterday, I listened to Christmas music. I also have my Bolivian nativity scene set up on my dresser. It is not the same as being home, my mom sent me pictures of our house, the Christmas lights were on, lighting up the garland, the stockings hung in their place. The house was dark except for the Christmas lights. It made me ache a little bit inside. One of my favorite things to do in the month of December is creeping out of my room when everyone else is in bed, and sitting on the couch in the quiet, surrounded by the multitude of white lights, and look at the shadowy snow outside. The pictures gave me the longing to do the same, to feel the tranquility of a still winter night, knowing that I am surrounded by my family. In a way, it is similar to how I felt living at the baby house, though the moments of complete silence were few and far between!

      I know though, that God has brought me here for this time. I'll still be able to spend Christmas day with the kids, even though I won't be living with them. The Christ whose birth we especially call to mind and celebrate on December 25, is every bit as much the Savior of the world here in Bolivia, without snow, as He is in the United States, or any other part of the world. (That being said, "I'm Dreaming of a White Christmas" shall still be playing in my head until Christmas passes!)

                                                                 Psalm 61:1-5

"Hear my cry, O God, listen to my prayer; from the ends of the earth I call to you when my heart is faint. Lead me to the rock that is higher than I, for you have been my refuge, a strong tower against the enemy. Let me dwell in your tent forever! Let me take refuge under the shelter of your wings! For you, O God, have heard my vows; you have given me the heritage of those who fear your name." 

Psalm 62:5-7

"For God alone, O my soul, wait in silence, for my hope is from Him. He alone is my rock and my salvation, my fortress; I shall not be shaken. On God rests my salvation and my glory; my mighty rock, my refuge is God."

Have a wonderful week! 

Pictures

I spent the weekend at my friend's house and her husband took us around to several smaller towns farther out in the country. This week will be my last week living at the baby house, come Saturday I will be moving into my new apartment. I would appreciate prayers for all the transitions for the kids (and me) and that I would find my all in Christ alone. 

 Abraham scratched me while he was throwing a fit and the office tias had him make this for me. <3

Even More Unexpected News

         Well, now the orphanage is going to be moving into different houses and the current baby house location will no longer be in use by the foundation. So I am moving. The 24th of this month is my move-in date to my very own little apartment. I'm so excited about having my own bathroom and kitchen, it's rather ridiculous. It is strange to think that I will only be paying three months of rent... My time here is that rapidly coming to a close.
           I know a little bit more of what the next three months will hold, but still not a ton, I suppose some of it will just have to be learned by experience. I will be going back and forth between the boys' and girls' homes throughout the week, though that schedule is yet to be determined. I don't really know what responsibilities will look like, but, especially seeing as December marks the beginning of their three months summer break from school, it will probably involve leading activities and just being another person around the house to help out and spend time with kids.
           
 

"All these years of constant striving,
Wanting to be worthy of love
Acting the part of a "loveable girl" made of my own contriving,
Desiring to be favored by the heavenly One above.

Along the way, I grew and learned,
Still, "What a godly girl" they'd all say
In the midst of it all, I didn't see the love of Him- the spurned.
I toiled & prayed & strove day by day.

Wanting to know His favor
To feel the love I saw in my mother's eyes
To know what it was like to savor
The love of Christ so sweet, and not to hear the evil lies.

The lies that say, "you're failing"
"You'll never be enough"
That cause me to keep derailing
Fearing from the judgment seat an unequivocal rebuff.

I know that I believe the Christ,
I know that He is real-I've seen Him in my life-
But Satan's come and made off with a heist.
He took my joy and made it fear, twisting as a knife.

I've believed his lies all these years
That I have to keep on striving.
Now, by the grace of God, I cry aloud "take my fears,
Teach me truth & give me love for you that's strong & real & thriving."

        In the midst of frustration over the past week or two, I have been realizing that I constantly struggle with wanting to rely on myself. I get angry and sad and feel like a failure when I get frustrated with the kids, feel unwanted by people around me, or feel like I am failing them. I feel guilty, ashamed, and all I want to do is quit. I don't find my identity in the One through whom I live and move and have my being! So my prayer for now, along with for all the changes, is that my remaining months here would be marked by a love that only comes from Christ and with a peace that comes from resting in His boundless love for me, and in His neverending grace, and that that would speak to the kids when my own strength (and language abilities) fail me. 

2 Corinthians 3:4-6

"Such is the confidence that we have through Christ toward God. Not that we are sufficient in ourselves to claim anything as coming from us, but our sufficiency is from God, who has made us competent to be ministers of a new covenant, not of the letter, but of the Spirit. For the letter kills, but the Spirit gives life."

Romans 5:8

"But God shows His love for us in this, while we were still sinners, Christ died for us." 

Hebrews 1:3

"He is the radiance of the glory of God and the exact imprint of His nature, and He upholds the universe by the word of His power. After making purification for sins, He sat down at the right hand of the Majesty on High." 

Hebrews 12:1-3

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer, and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before Him, He endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.  Consider Him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart."

Babyhouse Closing

              So, I have some sad, crazy, somewhat unexpected news to share. For financial reasons, the orphanage that I am working in will be closing by the end of November. The children will remain in the foundation but will no longer all be living here. The boys' home will move into this house. I will still be living here, and the boys from the baby house will be able to stay with the older boys who are moving in. How this is going to change my position here, I don't know yet. Prayers for the kids as they all will have major adjustments, (new staff, new homes for some of them, and new kids that they will be living with.) 

            As for me, I don't quite know what to think. I have known for some time that this was a possibility, but it didn't seem like it was actually ever going to happen, or at least not until after Christmas. It won't be the same around here, and I am sad that I won't be able to celebrate Christmas with all the kids. Sure, I can go visit the girls and see the boys (since I'll live here still) but it won't be the cozy, comfortable, fun, familiar, Christmas-with-little-kids-that-I-know-and-love, that I had been looking forward to. Not that it can't still be nice, but with totally new staff and mainly new kids (and those kids being all boys aging from 6-10) it will be very, very different. In addition to being sad about missing Christmas with my family and now the kids, I am also nervous about the changes, I can speak Spanish, but I don't like doing so if it is not with these kids, the tias that I am now friends with, or my teachers. This change will bring a bunch of strangers living/working where I live, and I will probably have to talk to them at some point. ;) Also, despite my frequent dreaming and planning, I am not particularly fond of (particularly un-meditated) change. 

             For this week, that is the biggest thing that I have to report. I would greatly appreciate prayers for all the details and emotions for everyone involved. 

                  God is good and has a good plan, He has known all along that this would happen. While I'd love to know what is going to happen, but He already knows and will be glorified and will reveal His plan in His time.