1 Week

I apologize in advance, I cannot get the formatting right for some reason, I think blogger is having some issues. The formatting looks fine as I'm typing, but once I publish it, it looks very strange!

It hardly feels like reality, to think that a week from today I will be finishing cleaning my apartment, turning in my keys, and loading my suitcases into a car (be it taxi or a friend's car- I don't know yet!)  However, the hotdogs for Thursday are in my fridge, my calendar is marked with breakfast on Wednesday, sleepover Friday, and last Saturday outings, along with various other little things that need to be done before I leave. Even yet, it all feels so strange! I'm so excited to come home, to see everyone, but the reality of moving back, and the fact that it is likely I'll never see some of these kids again, and others, not for a very long time, has still not completely settled in. 

 I found a way to take selfies that I can post on my blog! So, while we look ridiculous, you can still see a couple pictures of the kids!

On another note, God has been working in my heart, teaching me more of what it means to find my joy and confidence and identity in Him.

Romans 8:1

"There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus."

  I play the same tune,

  and think I'm a genius

  I say the same phrases,

 And say that I'm wise.

  I walk the same way,

   And pretend I'm mature.

 I write as I please,

  And call it creative.

 I am filled with pride,

 And call myself humble.

 I put on this charade,

And thus make play at honesty.

I fear change,

Unwilling to let go,

Of the person I've created,

Of what I've become.

To another's eye,

Not too much wrong.

To my soul's opened eyes,

A thousand and more things left undone.

I fear what they'd say,

If they saw the real me.

This mess, this failure,

This struggling one.

I want to believe that He wants me

-just as I am, unclean and undone-

But that devil he tells me

Of things I've hidden away, just some.

I shudder and wonder,

How I ever can change.

"Surely there's no way-

I'll keep living this facade" resigned I say.

But my God is not willing

To leave me undone.

He made me and loved me

And gave up His Son,

To call me and make me,

From broken to whole

From dirty to clean

To love me, and save my soul.

Why He would love me?

No one could guess,

His mercy & grace are boundless no less.

Yet, even so, He made me His beloved.

Me, His beloved?

I can hardly believe.

I've pretended my whole life,

Never fully entrusting my soul.

But this-this knowing, this nakedness

He sees me as I am,

Broken, and dirty, wholly unworthy.

He gives me worth with His love.

This bareness, this humbling,

To be undressed of all my good deeds,

To stand with nothing to offer

But the unchangeable me.

Does He love me still?

Does He wish He had chosen another?

Beneath the wrapping of all my pretense

He finds who I am, who I wish I wasn't.

Does He want to cover me back up,

And put me away?

Will I be too much for Him today?

Will He leave me in my garments-

Those garments of lies,

Will He let me stay there,

In my game of mimes?

Filled with my guilt, alone in my shame.

No- for this Redeemer is true,

He knows I am but dust,

His purpose is pure, unchanging,

And He'll see it through.

He'll strip me of my deeds,

Please, gently my Lord,

Then teach me His love

And change me thru and thru

He knows my shame,

And holds me gently,

As He shows me His palms

Where He took it away.

He knows me wrong doing,

Yet He shows me the scars

That bear the price of my sin,

The stripes, that took all my blame.

He knows of my wonderings,

Of my hundreds of doubts.

He draws me now closer,

And doesn't let go.

I've wondered and worried,

But now I'm assured.

He's promised to keep me,

He'll keep to His Word.

                   Romans 8:37-39

"No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us. 

For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, 

nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, 

nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, 

will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord."

Ephesians 1:13-14

"In Him you also, when you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation, 

and believed in Him, were sealed with the promised Holy Spirit,

 who is the guarantee of our inheritance until we acquire possession of it, to the praise of His glory."