Pictures!

 A protest of some sort in the street made my trip home a lot longer than it should have been!

 They must have run out of cherries... 

 Kayla and I spent the day together. Cochabamba doesn't have much to d, besides eat, so we explored some markets, got coffee, got lunch, got ice cream, and walked a lot! 

 A statue of the tallest man in Bolivia. Please note, it is not to scale, he was shorter than this statue. 

 The view

 They turned out darker than intended because I couldn't get the centers to cook all the way... but nevertheless, I made biscuits in a frying pan, and they tasted good! I'm having fun making my meals (mainly suppers) in one little frying pan. It takes longer than if I had a lot of pans, but so far it has worked fine! I need to go to the grocery store and get some more variety for my pantry because  I've only made pasta, chicken, pancakes, biscuits, more pasta, more chicken, more pancakes... 

Soy Misionera

            “Tía, hola!” The little, lisping voice came from below my window. A face peeked just over the edge revealing an expectant face. The big grin had been hard for me to get used to a first. Jose Luis was missing his top teeth and his bottom teeth were partially rotted away.

            “Hola” I responded with a smile. Since I have the weekends "off. " It felt awkward to venture out into the crowd of kids when I wasn’t technically supposed to be there and when I hadn't been there all day.

            “Ven aquí!” He pleaded, holding out a crumpled handful of leaves, “para ti.” He insisted, running around to my door to try and give it to me. I debated on whether or not to open it again. The kids kind of got in trouble every time I opened the door to their knocking... They especially got in trouble when they came in without knocking. I ended up locking my door. I had been in and out of my room for the past hour. Each time the kids wanted me to come out again. At one point my door kept being banged against, I slid the bolt and opened the door to find four kids almost falling into my room. They peeked around me asking questions in rapid succession. They were curious about why my bed was in the room, why I was sleeping here. Juan looked at me and said "Porque?" with the most quizzical and mischievous expression. I laughed and tried to formulate a sentence that would say I was living here. He must have understood because he raised his eyebrows and said "OH!!!!" In as deep a voice as a four-year-old can have, before running off to play. 

It all started because my little room doesn't have a bathroom or kitchen so when I first went out I needed something in the baby house. After coming back out I saw petite baby Damaris on the red tile porch. I picked her up and threw her in the air a couple of times. Her dark pigtails bounced up and down every time. Her little mouth opened wide as I threw her in the air and giggles burst from her when I caught her again. She didn’t want to be put down after that so I held her and ran my fingers up her arm to tickle her. She squirmed and threw her head back in laughter. I laughed too. I tried setting her down her again but she still didn’t want me to. I didn’t mind. The sun was shining, for once the kids were shrieking with laughter instead of defiance, the breeze was blowing and everyone was happy. 

To think, just this morning I was struggling because I didn't feel "fulfilled" here. I had asked God, "where is the joy that is supposed to come from serving you?" 

Maybe it has been hiding behind my complaints.

I've been reading in Philippians and realizing how very wrong my outlook has been this past week. 

I've been concerned about my own comforts. Annoyed with the missing toilet seat in the bathroom closest to my room, the constant need to use bottled water to brush my teeth, the ants that have found their way into my room, the lack of a shower curtain in the bathroom, the flickering lightbulb that lights my room, the kids' seemingly constant whining and complaining. 

In language school, they tell me that my occupation is 'misionera' -missionary. 

I don't feel like a missionary at all. 

I play with kids.

Make them eat their food. 

Break up their fights. 

Try to make them mind. 

I don't speak the language enough to get to know the other tias, I can't pray with the kids and help them to understand who God is. I can only show love. And that's frustrating. Especially when that is met with rebellious glares and kicking and screaming instead of unquestioning obedience and adoring caresses. (I'm mocking my daydream world of what working in an orphanage would look like.) 

Still, I'm doing what I've dreamed of since I was a little girl. Paul was in prison, what did he have that I was missing?

He had learned to be content in all circumstances. 

He had learned to rejoice no matter the situation. 

He had learned to trust the sovereignty of his God. 

I want to thrive here, not just survive. That doesn't mean that I have to come back, but I want to grow and learn and love. I want to be lost in my Savior, not lost in myself. 

Philippians 3:19-21

Their end is destruction, their god is their belly, and they glory in their shame, with minds set on earthly things. But our citizenship is in heaven, and from it, we await a Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ, who will transform our lowly bodies to be like His glorious body, by the power that enables Him even to subject all things to Himself. 

Am I living in light of eternity? 

I ask myself; do I believe that this is what God called me to? 

Yes

Do I believe that He is sovereign?

Yes

Therefore, there must be a disconnect between my beliefs and my emotions and actions.

Though I say that I believe He is sovereign, I complain in my situations instead of rejoicing in the truth that God is in control. He knew every detail of time here in Bolivia and it is for His preordained purpose. My prayer this week is that I learn to abide in Him and trust His will and find joy and contentment in being in His capable, sovereign hands. 

Soy misionera.

Imperfect

Saved by grace

Loved by a mighty God

Where He has me, for His reasons

His will for some is to share the gospel on street corners, others in their homes and workplaces. 

For me, right now, His will is for me to love even when I don't have words and to do it with rejoicing, for His glory. 

God is good.

All the time.

And all the time?

God is good. 

My Second Week in Bolivia

LA CANCHA




The vendors get angry if you take a picture of their prices but Kathryn needed the prices... so we did it on the sly. ;)

The idea is that I will be in my room by Wednesday. Kathryn took me to La Cancha, I bought an electric teapot for my room so that I can make coffee, and two of these white mugs so that I can share if someone comes to my "house." She also bought some material as a gift for me and is going to make it into curtains for my room, I love it and think that it's beautiful!

 I love being able to see the mountains! I keep being warned that the green beauty will become brown ugliness with the dry season. 

Ah well, I'll enjoy it while I can!

 We had a birthday party for three kids who were having birthdays this month.

 Bolivian tradition gives the birthday person the first bite of cake, someone usually comes up behind and pushes the person's face into the cake. That's what happened to Isaias. :)

 The kids were all dressed up for the party.

 New toys, a dozen plastic bouncy balls!

Yesterday, after Kathryn and I had finished our several hour long shopping trip, Kathryn and her husband Gustavo helped me catch a trufi (like a minivan that is used as an inexpensive bus.)

Gustavo asked the driver to drop me off at a specific place... well, he stopped to let someone else off, then he started and turned around asking something in Spanish. He must have been asking who else was supposed to get off, or something. I didn't recognize where we were so I just shrank in my seat behind my purchases and let the Bolivians stare at me as I pitifully shook my head. The driver finally shrugged and pulled back into the street. I heard someone comment on my nationality, not a proud moment. As he kept driving I still didn't recognize anything, but I finally got off when another woman did. After trying to walk farther in the direction he had been driving I turned around and walked the other way. Google maps was useless because it showed 3 or 4 different Semapas (the landmark I was looking for) in Cochabamba, and I didn't know which one I was looking for specifically. After crossing the street, then changing my mind and going back again, I finally headed back the way that I thought I had come from when I had first gotten on the trufi.

Finally, I made it to the main area that I am familiar with... so much for taking a trufi to save myself from walking with my purchases. Up the hill for again for me! 

I made it in one piece, but what should have taken me ten minutes took me forty... Oh well, live and learn! 

I talked with Kathryn about feeling useless and unnecessary. She said two things that really helped to get some perspective. 

1-She said that tias leave the babyhouse almost weekly because it is hard. She said that it is good for the kids to have a consistent face.

2- My service has to be for God. Not just for the kids. Because at the end of the day, if I have been working to serve my Lord, even if the kids don't know my name and I haven't seen any of them come to Christ, that doesn't change the fact that God had a plan for every moment that  I was with them.

The sermon today was encouraging too, talking about Ruth and how God guided her decisions for His sovereign purposes. 

God brought me here. He knew I'd be unable to communicate very well, He knew I'd miss my family, He knew that I couldn't tell people about Him right away, He knew that I'd question and doubt why I'm here, He knew that I'd be sick, He knew that I'd get lost (A LOT), He knew that I'd miss the convenience of having my own car, He knew I'd hate walking everywhere (but hate public transport even more.) 

He knew that I'd be nervous, scared, intimidated, unable, weak, ill-equipped, and yet... He called me here for this year. I don't know why. Maybe I never will. I have to be okay with that and serve Him regardless of my selfish emotions. I must be lost in serving my Lord and seeking Him.

When I am weak, He is strong.

I am unable, He is able.

I might not be able to understand Spanish, but trust me, He can! 

He doesn't need me to share His gospel with these kids, He doesn't even need me in this ministry, and yet He has sovereignly ordained that I get the opportunity to serve Him in this way, at this time, in this place. 

Just because I don't see how I could possibly be making a difference, does not mean that God doesn't have a plan. 

Matthew 25:40

"And the King will answer them. Truly, I say to you, as you did it to one of the least of these my brothers, you did it to me."

 So often I miss the point. In my desire to "make a difference" I forget to smile, to hug, to love. Instead, I am too busy shuffling through the words I did or didn't say, wondering if they "count" as making a difference, that I don't even see those around me. 

If I could close my eyes to myself, forget completely about reputation and appearance and only remember my Savior, what would I see? 

I am surrounded by human beings that my Savior loves and that He died for. 

I am surrounded by the least of these. 

My First Post from Bolivia

I finally connected my laptop to the internet. I am here, my bags are also here- though they were stuck in Miami for a couple days. It's actually incredible that I didn't get stuck in Miami for a couple of days...   

My flight from Peoria to North Carolina was delayed which meant that I completely missed my flight from North Carolina to Miami. The airline changed my flight to a later one so that I could still get to Miami. Nevertheless, the 4 hours that I was SUPPOSED to have, (to collect baggage, check in with the new Bolivian airline, go through security and board my plane to Bolivia,) got shortened to an hour and a half. I got to Miami at 9:07, I tried to find the baggage claim and finally had to ask someone. I heaved my bags onto a cart and asked another person how to find the Bolivian airline check-in, she told me to go one way but I couldn’t find it so I went to the next level and asked someone else. He had NO idea what I was talking about at first. Finally, he gave me some rough directions. I still couldn’t find it and tried to ask someone else but they were talking with a co-worker in Spanish and completely ignored me.

So I asked another person, and another person... finally I found it. After some questions about my visa and what I would be doing in the country, they let me go through security... they gestured around the corner... it wasn’t marked though so I had to ask for directions AGAIN. When I found it, I was greeted in Spanish and commanded to hurry. (I was really confused why everyone was telling me to hurry. I thought I still had thirty minutes to boarding time.)

The guy at security noted that I must be running late to catch my flight, (I wonder what gave it away, my beet red face and sweaty brow or me constantly checking my watch with a disconcerted expression on my face?) anyway, he was very gracious to help me pack my stuff back into my bag once it had gone through the scanner. It was late and there was hardly anyone around so I ran as fast as I could for being tired, running slightly uphill and with my back killing me from my backpack...(I never knew how heavy 20lbs could feel!!!!!) I finally reached a room of nearly empty boarding gates. At the far end of the room, three ladies started yelling at me in Spanish to hurry. They explained as they scanned my ticket that boarding for an international flight (or at least this one) started an hour before the flight. (Which I did not know!) I was the last person to board the plane but God was gracious and allowed me to get done in 45 minutes what I had planned on taking 4 hours!!!! How? I’m still not sure!!!! 

Besides losing my luggage for a couple days the rest of my trip was relatively uneventful!

 This is my view from my room in TJ's house. My room at the baby-house is currently under construction so I can't move in yet. While I am waiting, TJ and his family have opened up their home for me to stay in. 

These are TJ's daughters. They're really fun! 

This was a gift from Kathryn because my purse broke in the last airport. I needed a purse because it is inadvisable to carry anything in your back pockets because they would easily be pickpocketed and never seen again. 

The babyhouse yard.

My room is the brown door, the kids' favorite bathroom to use is the open door on the right... It's funny because they have one inside too but they like the outdoor one best. (I guess it is a little closer but not by much!)

Side view so you can see how close my room is to the yard. 

I don't think that I can show their faces publicly. This is Damaris, she's a year old.

 The baby house is very different from what I expected. It's harder. I'm learning though. Also, hardly anyone there speaks English and no one that I work with.

I like the culture. It is warm and friendly from what I've seen so far! The weather has been gorgeous!

TJ's twin daughters had a birthday party yesterday. Two moms came together to pick up their kids, they had a boy with them who was maybe eleven or twelve years old. They greeted Tammy and her friend Anita, to my surprise they also greeted me (thankfully with nothing more difficult than 'hola') and a customary kiss on the cheek. It really caught me off guard when the little boy did it too! It was so cute!!!I think that my opinion of Bolivia has been more positive since that encounter. ;)

I love how TJ and Tammy and the other couple, Kathryn and Gustavo (they are closer to my age than Tammy and TJ) can switch from English to Spanish and back to English without a thought. I so want to be able to do that! I haven't started classes yet. The one school that I was going to attend may have raised their prices so I might be going somewhere else... it depends.

I went to church today, Kathryn and Gustavo took me out to lunch afterward and then we went to their house and watched a movie, talked and drank coffee before going on a walk through the Abraham Lincoln Park... I'm not sure why but apparently someone in Cochabamba admired Abraham Lincoln and wanted to build a park with his name attached to it! I really enjoyed my time with them. It was good to hear their advise and get to know them better.

 This is a pacay... It's a fruit. The white, stone looking things actually feel like fuzzy white mold, or soggy cotton candy... You chew the white stuff off of a large black seed and then dispose of the seed. It's actually good! I was skeptical at first!

It's been nice to have the weekend off, tomorrow I'm back at the babyhouse so I should probably get to bed! 

Thank you all for your prayers. I have been struggling to keep my eyes off of myself and on my Savior- I want to be His hands and feet and I can't do that if I'm concerned about my own desires. 

Also, pray for my ability to connect with the kids and teach them lovingly. I want to understand what they say so that I am not just correcting bad behavior or playing silly games, I want to really get to know them. One little boy is particularly hard to manage, and he keeps calling me mama instead of tia. He desperately wants love and he acts out probably to get attention. The kids at the home are all misbehaving a lot lately because some staff has left and that has thrown them for a loop.

Also, I need to be finding time for my Bible time, being in a new home and not in my own space has tampered with my routine and thus makes finding time difficult, plus when I do have time to relax I want to text my mom and tell her about my day. I need to be renewing my mind with Scripture and I won't feel near to God unless I am drawing near to Him. There have been a few times in the past five days that I have been worn emotionally and spiritually and questioned my purpose in being here. It's hard to think that I am going to be able to make a difference when I barely have the vocabulary to tell a kid to wash his hands after he's gone to the bathroom, let alone try and share the gospel!!! My sister, Emily, sent me the lyrics to this song in an email and they encouraged me greatly!

"Hither-to Thy love has blest me;

Thou hast bro't me to this place;

and I know Thy hand will bring me

safely home by Thy good grace."

Psalm 42:1-6a 

As a deer pants for the flowing streams, so pants my soul for you, O God. My soul thirst for God, for the living God. When shall I come and appear before God? 

My tears have been my food day and night, while they say to me all the day long, 'Where is your God?' 

These things I remember, as I pour out my soul: how I would go out with the throng and lead them in procession to the house of God with glad shouts and songs of praise, a multitude keeping festival. Why are you cast down, oh my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? 

Hope in God; for I shall again praise Him, my salvation and my God.

Psalm 42:8

By day the LORD commands His steadfast love, and at night His song is with me, a prayer to the God of my life.